BUSTED – SHORT STORY

Here’s an early story of mine. Hope you enjoy it! If you have something you’d like to contribute to Bjelke Blues, get in touch through the contacts page.

Edwina Shaw

BUSTED in the bad old days!

As the deadline for Bjelke Blues – the anthology I’m editing for AndAlso Books  –approaches,  here’s a story of mine about that time, “Busted”. It was first published in Griffith REVIEW 21 Hidden QLD and has recently been published online on the Artist Run Initiatives REMIX website

griffith-review-21-hidden-queensland“Busted” is a story about the bad old days in QLD when election boundaries were rigged, corruption was rife, marches were banned, and police had way too much power.

READ BUSTED HERE

And if you have a story about being on the wrong side of the political fence during the Bjelke Petersen regime I’d love to hear from you.

Deadline is February 25 so you’ll have to hurry.

Let me know what you think of my story 🙂

Hope you enjoy it.

Lots of love,

Edwina xx

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SENTENCE BY SENTENCE, WORD BY WORD – 5 Hints and Tips for cleaning up your prose

On retreat I always make sure there’s one session that focuses on the nitty gritty of writing, though most of the time we’re generating new material. It’s important to learn some elements of craft.

Over the past 17 years or so of writing, editing, studying the craft of writing, and teaching writing in the community and in universities, I’ve learnt a few easy tricks to help get your sentences working hard.

My favourite quote on the craft of writing is from George Orwell – “Good prose is as transparent as glass.”

For me this means, keep it simple superstar! Don’t get carried away with trying to sound “Writerly”, clever, witty, mad or however you think a writer should sound. The writing shouldn’t detract from the story itself. If a reader is stopping to ponder the meaning of your sentences, then they’ve lost touch with your story and that’s never good.

Let your story shine by keeping your writing as clean and clear as a pane of glass. Every sentence, every word has to serve a purpose. It must either drive the story forward, illustrate character, establish setting or add to the story in some meaningful way.

Whether you’re writing flash fiction, short stories, novels or screenplays the same rule applies. Which leads me to my first tip –

1. Does that sentence need to be there at all?
After you’ve written a fast and furious first draft and fallen out of love with it a little, go back and check. Is every scene really necessary or did you just get carried away and veer off course? Do you really need a full paragraph describing that lake or will one good sentence combining the best of that paragraph work much better? The same applies for every word. Go through your work with a fine-tooth comb – think nit comb!

In longer works you need to apply this to large chunks as well – Does that chapter need to be there? Does that scene?

Be brutal – save cut bits in another file so you won’t be heartbroken. I do this all the time but have rarely gone back in and rescued one of my darlings. But they’re still there – just in case 😊

2. Trim adjectives and adverbs

Yes, you’ve heard it before and for good reason. Writing styles have changed since those 19th century novels you love to read. Readers these days have a multitude of fast-paced alternatives to a book and most won’t wade through pages of description of a room Henry James’ style. In my university classes I still have many students decorating every noun with a string of adjectives because that’s what they’ve been taught to do all the way through school. ARGH! Get rid of them.
Think of adjectives and adverbs as salt and pepper – a little adds flavour but too much and you’ll ruin your dish.
Metaphors and similes are like chillies – hot peppers. Yes they’re great, but use too many at your peril.

3. Use specific nouns and strong verbs

Instead of all those adjectives, use nouns that do their job instead. Be specific.
For instance, instead of “colourful noisy birds made loud noises in the tall riverside gum trees”, write “Rainbow lorikeets screeched in the branches of a flooded gum.”

The same goes for verbs. Instead of “She walked slowly”, you could use strolled or ambled or limped or staggered. See how much meaning can be packed into one good verb? English has lots of them – put them to work!

4. Get rid of “There is”

Although we use these words (and “It is” and “There are” etc) often in speech, they create unnecessary clutter in our writing. When we were in high school padding out words for assignments they were useful, but now we know better.
For example; “There is an old car sitting in the driveway of the old house,” can easily be improved by cutting the “There is” and using a strong verb and specific noun (and an adjective) “A beat-up old Holden ute lay rusting in the driveway.”

5. Get rid of “I can,” and “S/he can”.

It’s still perfectly okay to write, she can ride a bike. I’m talking about when you are detracting from the reader’s experience of the visceral in your writing by always filtering it through your characters’ perceptions.
“I could feel the rain falling on my face” – changes to “The rain fell like tears on my face.”
“She could feel the sun burning into the back of her neck” – becomes “The sun burnt into the back of her neck turning it hot pink.”

Of course, these are only hints and tips and all rules are meant to be broken. So if you really need two adjectives for the rhythm of your sentence go right ahead and use them. Just please, pretty please never write “She whispered very quietly” or I may have to scream!

I hope these ideas are helpful. What hints and tips are your favourites? I love to learn about writing and learn most from other writers, so do share your ideas in the comments below.

Write like furies!

Lots of love

Edwina

 

Off on an adventure!

 

Heidi

One more sleep till I take off for a grand adventure to the UK to walk some ancestral earth.

Retreats in Toowoomba, north QLD and northern NSW are shaping up for next year.

So if you’re interested please do get in touch through the contact form.

I’m back in early December and will have some dates for the retreats set by then.

Until then, keep looking up and HAPPY WRITING!!

Lots of love

Edwina xxx

RELAX AND WRITE IN THE MOUNTAINS!

Come and join me in the mountains!

Edwina Shaw

Dateless LOGO NO KOINONIA

RELAX AND WRITE YOUR WAY TO WELLNESS!

I’m excited to announce the next Relax and Write Retreat – this time in the mountains west of Brisbane – from Friday 5th October to Sunday 7th October 2018.

As part of the Unleash the Beast, Writing and Wellness Symposium, I’m holding a special retreat in a beautiful mountain-top location, for women to relax with gentle yoga and meditation, and get writing with inspiring creative workshops.

The lovely people at Koojarewon Retreat, in Highfields – 12 kms north of Toowoomba, are turning the entire place over to us, and they’re providing all the meals, so it should be truly relaxing, even if the accommodation is pretty basic.

It’s dorm style but we have plenty of room to spread out through the dorms to claim a patch for privacy. And, best of all, the bathrooms are inside, so there’s no traipsing out to…

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